When I was just starting the academy I felt the need to create myself a persona made up of everyone else around me – this was because I had been heavily bullied throughout my primary school days and wanted to finally fit in somewhere – this was possibly the worst decision I could have made because having to hide my true self was so much more damaging than the bullying ever could have been.
The best real life experience I remember of me doing this is when I lied about my music tastes to get in to a certain group of the school. It was fairly early in to the academy so I was quite immature and was very much in to classical music, musicals, gentle rock and blues NOT Metal – but when somebody asked me if I liked Slipknot I automatically said “YES” even though I had actually never heard of them. When I looked up this band I discovered men in scary looking masks screaming and calling it music, but since I had already committed to liking this music that I didn’t understand the point of I was stuck with them.
In fact I spent the best part of two years lying to someone I considered my best friend just so I could keep them as a friend. The friendship eventually ended for different reasons, but when it did it was a strange relief knowing that I could begin to let my true self seep through slowly but surely. That was the plan anyway, instead I found myself creating this whole new persona to fit in with another smaller and more accepting group of people – this persona was more like myself but I did spend a lot of the time feeling uncomfortable because I made myself out to be “girlier” than I actually am. Once again these friendships ended and I was relieved.
Since then I have stopped creating silly persona’s to fit in because at the end of the day it is hurtful to know that people only like the fake you and not the real you. However I do not regret my past, with out it I wouldn’t have the friends I have now and would never be able to live as myself and not some fake Jodie that no one needs to be around. Lying about myself was the worst thing I have ever done and led to some lonely weeks, months and well even years. The real me had never really shown itself until late last year when I decided enough was enough – if people don’t accept me for me then they aren’t worth it. I have never been happier.
Have you ever created a persona?
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