General

Moving too soon?

Before I start this post I would like to urge you to visit ChapterTK – she is one of my favourite bloggers and gives me a lot of inspiration. Second of all I would like to point out that this is not plainly copying someone’s post this is me putting my own perspective on it.

http://chaptertk.com/2014/07/28/marriage-red-flags-too-young-or-too-soon/

That is one of ChapterTK’s posts from a few weeks ago about marrying too soon in a relationship. I inspired that post and now that post has inspired me too. This post is a little bit delayed because I couldn’t find the words until now.

Neither of my parents have ever been married but for different reasons. My father doesn’t really believe marriage is needed to make a relationship work, which is true, and my mother nearly did get married, but it was too soon in that relationship to get married and it was all called off last minute – I don’t think she would marry now. Here we have two different scenarios, a man who would never marry no matter how much pressure he was under and a woman who always wanted marriage but has never found the right person, or maybe she did find the right person but they rushed in to things and everything went sour.

There is an immense pressure to be in a relationship nowadays, to the point that my 8 year old cousin is telling me that her boyfriend left her because she wore too much make up. In fact, even I got my first boyfriend way too young and I think that is too young to even be thinking about relationships. Not only that though, but when you are a teenager in a relationship you feel pressure from friends who ask you what you have done in your relationship. They aren’t telling you to do those things, but it feels like they are. It feels like they are saying “you haven’t done that?! What is wrong with you?” This is the wrong thing to do – please do not bring up private things about a relationship, wait for them to talk to you about it before making them feel pressured to rush in to something prematurely.

Even when in relationships I have felt a lot of pressure from my partners. There have been expectations that I am not ready to do and every time I said no I would be made to feel guilty about it. Of course I kept saying no, but if I had caved that would have been me moving too soon in my relationship. The fact is if someone is pressuring you to do something you don’t want to do, they don’t love you or they aren’t your friend. I feel like if the same with marriage.

There is an expectation that we have to be married young and have kids almost straight after marriage. As much as this is beginning to change, with the marriage of Brad and Angelina being so public, it is still a huge issue. I see people getting married months after meeting each other then complaining when the marriage doesn’t work, not just this but people my age, 18, have got children with people they barely know. Sometimes I avoid Facebook because it makes me upset and angry to see that children are being pulled in to relationships where the parents barely know a thing about each other, safe to say that 9 times out of 10 from the cases I have seen have broken up now. In saying that I also know people who got married after 6 months of knowing each other and they are still the happiest couple I know years later.

I understand the point of marriage, all I am saying is that often I think we marry prematurely. Give the relationship time to reach it’s peak and if you still want to get married after then, you have found the one.

What do you think? Please comment below or reach me on Facebook or Twitter

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