Recently I was asked where I want to be in ten years time, to which I replied with “thinking about marriage, good career within the creative industries and most of all still having fun”. This was easy for me to answer because I know exactly what I want from life, although countless sleepless nights may have helped with this, however I had never thought about what I wanted from me – or who I wanted to be…heck I barely think about the person I am now! At least until yesterday….
Who am I now?
I am a determined, but lazy person. I talk about all of the goals I want to conquer yet barely do anything to achieve them, possibly the only thing I have ever stuck at for more than five minutes is my writing.
I am a compulsive liar, but also compassionate. I care about everyone around me, but feel the need to lie to them so that they actually WANT to talk to me and find me interesting. In the past I have told so many lies to so many people and I hate myself for it – although admittedly this has completely changed recently, I haven’t told any big lies for a LONG time. I guess my love for storytelling came out in the form of verbal fiction before I ever took pen to paper. (I should state now that I have apologised for all of my lies and most of that is in the past).
I am unsociable and seemingly reclusive. This is something that’s has been there almost my whole life for a number of different reasons, it used to be social anxiety – now I just don’t like being around people all the time. This has been passed down. I consider myself a really rubbish friend because sometimes…I just don’t care and would rather be at home in bed than deal with people’s problems. Pretty much 1 person is the exception to this and that is my best friend. If anything I want her to tell me more – the difference between her and everyone else is that she cares about me too…no one else gives a damn.
I am a writer, but also a learner. Honestly, yes I love my writing and think I can make something of myself…I am not afraid to admit it – I think I am good at writing, but I am not cocky…I know I have so much to learn before I actually end up somewhere, but I am only 19. I have my whole life ahead of me to make all of my bad mistakes now. I don’t know what it is but when I sit down to write something even I didn’t know I had comes out, I was destined to be a writer and I will keep writing for as long as is physically possible.
Who do I want to be?
I want to be a social butterfly, someone who doesn’t steer clear of confrontation because it scares or intimidates me, I want to be open, honest, I want to take my determination and turn it in to something amazing! This time in ten years I will be successful, loved and confident. Heck it is already starting! I have found my calling, writing! The first step to becoming the new me.
I want to be Jodie Paterson. The real Jodie Paterson. A poet, writer, photographer, voice actress, radio presenter, TV presenter, stop motion animator…film maker! Or at least on track to becoming these things.
Apologies if this post is a little boring or self centred, I just needed to let some stuff out…and where better to do it than my blog?