Recently I have been going through an existential crisis – in other words I have been asking myself lots of silly questions like “why do I exist?” or “Where am I going in life?” instead of being productive (that isn’t to say I haven’t done anything, just not as much as I had hoped to achieve) – something I have come to realise is that the only person who can decide on where I am going in life is myself. There is no point in asking other people what I should be doing because that will lead to unhappiness in a life someone else wants to lead – we are the leaders of out own lives and it’s time I acted on that….properly.
For the past month or so I have been so busy freaking out about the future that I have failed to see what is going on right now – or what isn’t – in fact it wasn’t until yesterday that I realised I was having an existential crisis. For some reason I couldn’t stop thinking about how meaningless my life was and that I had never done anything to make myself relevant (which is insane…look what I am doing right now, blogging.) Having no idea how this thought process started it was very difficult to slip out of and it did get me down for a number of weeks – but a brilliant author helped me realise what was happening and well he has actually inspired the plot for my novel.
Who helped me realise? Well I picked up “Us” by David Nicholls and started reading it (it is amazing, you guys should definitely check it out), roughly ten pages in I realised that one of my goals in life is to win an award for my writing…yet I haven’t even started writing my novel or screenplay. How can I expect to win an award when I haven’t written anything worth an award? It was at this point that I began writing my novel understanding that to achieve my dream I had to work for it…therefore giving myself a true purpose in life and getting me out of the awful thought process that rendered me pointless.
Even though I am at university studying Media I actually don’t know what I want to do as a full time job, I just know that it should be in the creative industries – this is what I think started my existential crisis. Having people around you that know exactly what they want from their lives can be really scary when you still haven’t found your calling, I found myself in a very strange place (emotionally) where all of a sudden I HAD to decide on my entire life otherwise there was no point in trying to achieve anything. The trouble with me is I want to do so many jobs that settling down to one terrifies me, although I am sure if I found the right job I wouldn’t hesitate in staying for as long as possible. At least with writing I can always do that no matter what job I find myself in.
Have you ever experienced an existential crisis?