There comes a time in any long term relationship where you’re paying for 2 flats or houses, but only staying in one and forking out twice as much money as necessary. So you make the decision to move in together. It all seems exciting and new until you realise you haven’t discussed some mega important things that could challenge your relationship in ways that can be avoided. Below I share things to do before moving in with a partner. This is in the forefront of my mind because me and my partner are moving in together soon.
I’m sure it can’t be that bad though 😉
Things To Do Before Moving In With a Partner
Talk about Money, Money, Money
This is the trickiest of all to talk about because it’s most likely to cause big arguments and issues. Be sure to talk about how you’re splitting rent, bills – that’s even down to the internet. If you don’t resentment can build and you’ll be left with an elephant in the room you’re too scared to bring up. ALWAYS talk money before making such a big decision.
Share Out Chores
Yup, another unpleasant one. The best way to tackle this one is to come to a compromise e.g. If you cook the other cleans the dishes, if someone does the washing the other hangs it up etc. get a rota for everything else. If nothing else at least don’t leave one person to do it all because that will cause frustration. Decide early on who will do what, if you talk about it you might find that your partner enjoys doing certain chores.
Have a Clear-Out
This isn’t just good for making space for your partners stuff, but also good for you to clear out the junk you haven’t even looked at for a year or so. This can be good for your happiness and health because everything will seem less cluttered (until your partners junk gets there too).
Have the “in 5 years time” conversation
In 5 years time, where do you see yourself? It’s important to talk about this because if you have very different goals you’ll have to come to some compromise or part ways in the future, especially if one of your plans is to move to France and the others is to stay put. This is also important in terms of supporting each other. Say you want to progress in a career, the best person to help and motivate you is your partner.
Double, Triple, Quadruple check that you’re both on the same page
Make sure you are both on the same page in both the relationship and the living situation. If one person thinks something different to the other person this will cause huge clashes and could end the relationship altogether. This is as simple as deciding what night your partner can have their band round, setting a bed time (I went there…), having a general relationshippy discussion about life.
Schedule Regular “you” time
It’s a big transition going from seeing someone when you want to and seeing someone constantly. If this means getting a new hobby and making new friends, go for it. For me blogging is my personal time. It works well for me that my partner and I have very different working hours so I generally get whole days to myself and vice versa, but this isn’t the case for everyone – so hit up your friends for a weekly or monthly drink.
So those are my things to do before moving in with your partner. Do you have any more advice? Please share below.
If you’ve been considering counselling for your relationship I recommend the website regain.us for advice, in particular this article: https://www.regain.us/advice/counseling/use-online-couples-counseling-to-get-your-relationship-back-on-track/