So I wanted to set myself a challenge of writing a letter to my future self and reading it in a years time to review how much things have changed and how I am doing then. This is to help give me hope throughout my illness. and help me track my progress. I thought it might be an interesting read for anyone else suffering with a mental illness.
A Letter To My Future Self
At this moment in time things aren’t great for you. You’re depressed, missing work and don’t feel excited about anything. Despite your best efforts to get better nothing seems to be working. I hope by next year you feel better, happiness obviously being the main goal, but I’ll accept functioning.
I want you to be able to get up with out feeling overwhelmed. I want you to leave the flat with out crying. I want you to function like a normal human being again. I want you to get excited again, about meeting friends, dates, trips away and even birthdays. Be a strong woman in her 20’s, not a weak woman dragged down. Live every day that you can as a happy, fun loving and caring woman, do it because I can’t.
Iain is about to move in with me. This is a positive change, he helps me and I hope we continue to help each other. Love him the way he has loved me. Cherish the good moments with him, don’t push him away. Appreciate everything he does for you and express it. Get excited for dates, make effort for them. Do it because I can’t.
Your career is going downhill. You aren’t coping with your job and have barely worked an entire week over the past few months. I sincerely hope that by now this has changed. All I want at the moment is a full week at work, or the emotional stability to cope with it. Strive at your job. Go above and beyond to prove yourself. Be the best version of you that you can be. Do it because I can’t.
I’m not going to lie to you. The only things keeping you going right now are Iain, family and your blog. They are the only reason you’re still here. Never forget the support they provide you, even through strangers. Those are the people that care for you. Those are the people who want you around. You are worth their time. Show it back. Appreciate it. Don’t push them away. Talk to them when you have a bad day. Do it because I can’t.
Blogging has been helping you so much. It’s a creative outlet throughout the pain, a safe place. A place where there is no judgement, no sadness and no expectations. Keep at it. Build it bigger and make it count. You’re a talented writer (don’t you forget that – your writing helps people) and even at your very worst you can still find the will to blog. This CAN be something bigger, keep going. You are a strong-willed, talented young woman. Do it because YOU CAN.