The Big Bad Green Monster

Jealousy. I’m sure you’ve come across it at some point in your life whether it’s been jealousy against you or feeling jealousy yourself. In my experience it can turn people personalities and moods in to toxic time bombs. When experiencing jealousy you can tolerate things to a point, then the overbearing green eyed monster emerges from his cave, begins to take over, and reminds you that you’re not okay with something and that’s when the change happens. The change from holding your jealous thoughts in to spouting them out, or acting different – sometimes unpleasantly – because of them.

In the media you’ll see jealousy portrayed within romantic relationships, but that’s not the only place jealousy comes out. Sometimes it can be jealousy that someone has more friends than you, or more money than you, or even that someone is “smarter” than you. People will always say “oh don’t worry about that, you’re a different person” but the feelings never go away because jealousy is an overpowering emotion. No matter how nice, sweet and lovely you normally are jealousy can still get to you and distort what your normal view of a situation would be.

Have you heard of the phrase “looking through rose tinted glasses”? It’s when you miss all the red flags of a situation because you’re subconsciously choosing to overlook them. Well this is how I see jealousy. Once the monster is out you see everything through his eyes. The “green eyed monster”. The situation is no longer viewed the way you would normally view it because the negativity is taking over your emotions and thoughts. All impulse control leaves you and you act in ways that embarrass you to think about later.

Yes. I am talking from personal experience. I’ve experienced jealousy many times in my life and in many different forms, the most recent of which being jealousy that my partner is settling in to our new city a lot quicker than I am. He’s already established a friendship group and settled in to his college course. I have made a couple of friends, but not hung out with them outside of work/uni. I’ve also only had one week of university so haven’t had a chance to settle in.

In all honesty I am still feeling a little lost and unsettled, so it makes me feel jealous that my partner already feels so at home. Although as we accumulate things that make our flat ours it’s beginning to feel a lot more comfortable I’m still not there yet. It still feels like a weird floaty dream land, I’m still waiting to drift back down to earth from making the biggest decision of my entire life.

How am I going to get around jealousy? I’m going to make memories, experiences and friends of my own. Seeing it as a hurdle I can get over instead of a stopping point is probably the best way I can possibly deal with it right now. Watch this space. Updates to come.

Author: Jodie Paterson

I'm Jodie Paterson, a 24 year old Edinburgh based blogger! Born and raised in Aberdeen/Aberdeenshire, I quickly grew a passion for writing, photography and many other creative ventures due to the beautiful Scottish landscapes that surrounded me, and I'm now 5 years in to my blogging journey and still absolutely loving it!

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