Breakups are so tough. Especially if you were good friends before you got together, meaning you lose a friend (possibly more if it’s a friendship group) and a partner. Of course, you can have a good, clean breakup where you keep in contact and don’t make it hard for your mutual friends. But how? That’s the big question. Well, it’s different for each individual situation, but below you can find some tips and tricks to help make a breakup fairly pain free.
During the Breakup
Listen To Each Other To Make The Breakup Easier
It might sound obvious, but listening to someone during a breakup can actually be really difficult. Whether you’re annoyed that they’ve broken up with you or you’re breaking up with them and have decided you’re absolutely fed up with them, it’s still important to listen. This way, you can both share how you’re feeling and have a healthier breakup that’s easier to move on from. Chances are that you’ve fallen out of love and can still be civil or be friends.
Accept Your Wrongs
Along with listening, it’s important to accept and own up to the things you may have done wrong. It’s the mature thing to do. The other side of this is not to accuse them of doing things. It’s all in the past now and you both need to move on. Of course it’s so easy to get caught up in petty arguments and forget to do this, but I urge you to try. The other person will have more respect for you if you’re willing to admit that you did wrong as well as them and hashing it out may help you maintain some sort of friendship.
Staying calm will be difficult, especially if they are pushing your buttons. The calmer you stay, the better the conversation will go. Don’t let them rile you up and get a reaction out of you, take the higher road, and come out feeling proud of yourself. The more respectful you are, the calmer they will be and the more likely you will be to remain friendly after it’s all said and done. So be mindful and stay calm to keep the breakup clean.
After The Breakup
Hang Out With Your Friends And Family
Keep your closest close to you during this time. It will be a difficult adjustment, going from talking to someone all the time to very little or not at all, but it will get better. Put more of your focus on spending time with your family and friends, even if it’s just over video chat, to help you get over the worst of it and make sure you have adequate company. Loneliness is the hardest part, but I assure you that people will give you their time if you are willing to give it back to them.
Look after yourself. Whether it’s taking more baths, or watching some great films. Make sure you’re treating yourself nicely. You could even treat yourself to little dates by yourself e.g. getting yourself a fancy meal etc. It’s so important to remember that treating yourself isn’t limited to being in a partnership, you’re important with them and you’re important without them. Do not let yourself forget this.
Social Media Detox
Get off social media for a few weeks. This one is vital. It will be too tempting to keep checking the person’s social media pages and seeing what they’re getting up to instead of getting on with your life. You’re only dragging the sad feelings on by doing this, so get off social media for a short while until you feel ready to get back into the swing of things. Another side of this is that they may be looking at your social media too, so it’s probably better to not give them insight into your post-breakup activities.
Write Or Talk It Out
Don’t bottle all of your emotions up, let them flow out. It will be easier to let the emotions go if you are putting them on paper or saying them out loud. Diary keeping is a great way to get through it. I’d advise using a book like The Positive Planner to help you set small goals for your day and reflect on all the emotions you had at the end of the day. This is a really healthy way to help you control your emotions, especially straight after it has happened and you’re adjusting to a new normal.
If you’re getting back into the dating game after a breakup I’ve written a guide to staying safe while online dating.