Finding someone you trust enough to want a relationship with is hard, but finding someone that fits into your life is even harder. That’s not to say it can’t be done. It may take a while to find the right person, but it’s so worth it when you do. The decision to let someone into your life that much isn’t an easy one. It isn’t something to take lightly and certainly not something to rush into. There are some vital things you need to consider before committing to a relationship.
Consider These Important Things Before Committing To A Relationship
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Do You Have The Time?
This might seem harsh, but if you’re constantly working or have commitments you can’t get out of this may not be the time to start a relationship. On the off chance, you find someone who loves you so much they’re willing to wait until you have time, hold on to them. Otherwise, be honest about it and accept that they may not wait for you. Life goes on and you’ll find someone else if that happens. They may even be single by circumstance when you have the time and you can rekindle the romance.
Do You Want The Same Things?
If you’re at the stage in your relationship where things are getting really committed, talk about the future. Do you both want marriage? Do you both want to live in the same city? If no then is there a compromise that works for both of you. Getting into a committed relationship should mean that you are…well…committed to that relationship. This isn’t a temporary arrangement you’re setting up, it’s hopefully your whole life. So make sure you’re on the same page about the important things before saying you’ll share your life with them.
Do You Trust Them When Committing To A Relationship?
You can’t have a relationship without trust. It just won’t work. Remember that trusting them to drive your car or be in your flat alone, isn’t the same as trusting them to share finances with or sharing passwords for Netflix, etc. Your trust has to run deep, otherwise, the relationship will crumble really quickly. As a side note: be prepared to have a really honest and adult discussion about finances because if you move in together it will be important for splitting bills or possibly starting a joint account.
Do You Communicate Well With Them?
Along with trust, communication is one of the most important things in a relationship. If every conversation is turning into a fight, or you avoid talking about subjects then it’s time to assess things. You should be able to discuss difficult topics in a mature adult way and not feel embarrassed or scared to do so. If this is the only area you’re struggling with and you both really want the relationship to work, you can consider couples counselling to find ways to communicate.
Are You Willing To Make Sacrifices When Committing To A Relationship?
Sacrifices will need to be made by both people in the relationship. You can’t expect your other half to change everything for you if you aren’t willing to change anything for them. Whether it’s eventually moving cities for your partner’s job or as simple as compromising on the furniture in your house. You have to be willing to let go of things. For me, it was sharing my stuff. As an only child, I am not the best at sharing so I have had to compromise a lot to learn how to do this more.
Do You Both Have The Space To Grow In The Relationship?
This is in relation to personal growth and career growth. You should both have space to be able to progress in your career, hang out with friends (and make new ones), and pursue any hobbies. You both need to understand that you each need space to thrive and just because you are in a relationship, doesn’t mean that your life revolves around each other. If you feel like you’re not getting that space, be prepared to have a serious discussion about it. To thrive, you must both support each other to have that space.
Are You Willing To Admit When You’re Wrong?
Arguments will happen. It’s natural. You won’t always be wrong, but it’s important that you’re big and mature enough to admit when you are. This is not only great for your communication, but also for the trust in your relationship. It’s so easy to fall into the stubbornness trap and not admit that you’re wrong, but I urge you to get out of that habit. You won’t regret it when your partner also admits when they’re wrong.
Can You Truly Be Yourself Around Them?
If you can’t be yourself around them there is no point in pursuing the relationship. You don’t want to spend your entire life hiding your true self around the most important people in your life. It will get tiring and eventually you’ll feel the need to break free from it. The other thing is that if you move in together, it will be so much harder to hide and your other half may get a shock when they see you’ve been hiding a massive part of yourself. This could break up the relationship down the line and just generally isn’t worth the effort.
Will You Support Each Other When Committing To A Relationship?
When we get married we sign on to support each other “in sickness and in health”, but a relationship doesn’t have those vows. Or it does, but it’s silent and not always thought about. There may be times when your partner needs help financially, emotionally, or physically and you have to be willing to help them. If you aren’t willing to do that then you should seriously consider whether you want the relationship or not. It’s also important to support your partner in whatever they decide to do, from career changes to new hobbies. If they know you’re there for them, you’ll both be happier and that all-important trust will be solidified.
Can You Comfortably Share Space With Them?
Most relationships end up with people moving in together. This means that you will have to share your space. It also means that you can’t hide any bad habits around them. If you think you’ll feel uncomfortable with this, take a serious look at why and either work on your issues or make a decision about whether this is the right person for you.
