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So you’ve been on a couple of dates with someone. You really like them and want to take the relationship further. You’ve left a huge thing out of your Essex Dating profile though. Whether it’s children, an illness or an intrusive ex, at some point you will have to bring the conversation up. Better sooner than later as well, you don’t want them finding out six months in and bolting. These conversations are never easy, but you can make them as painless as possible for yourself and your date. Go into a serious relationship with all of the skeletons in your closet on show, and hope that they do the same.
Bringing Up Potentially Awkward Conversations With A Date
Bring It Up As Early As Possible
Everyone has a right to consider what they’re taking on when they start dating someone. It’s harsh, but it’s true. Would you want someone to turn around to you six months in with a major confession? Absolutely not. The earlier you bring it up the better. It may save you and your date disappointment. This might sound like a strong word, but people may feel decieved if you’re hiding something a big as children, a disability or an illness from them. There isn’t much excuse now as we have many ways to get to know people before meeting, such as messaging on your dating profile and video calls.
Consider Putting It In Your Dating Profile
Be upfront. You’re more likely to meet someone who accepts it if they are talking to you and already aware of your situation. It might feel hard and like you’re setting yourself up to lose date, but honestly…those dates would be nothing more than a couple of dates anyway. Let’s get rid of the assumption that we have to seduce someone before sharing big things. If anything it’s going to make you less desirable because you’re always going to have it looming over you. Granted, it can be fun to lead a “double life”, but how long can you sustain it for?
There Is No “Right Time” For These Conversations
If you’re sitting there in an awkward silence because you don’t think this is a good time to bring it up, now is the time. You will never find the “right” time. When Essex Dating there are going to be plenty of opportunities to just…say it. The longer you hold on for the right moment, the harder it will actually be to have the conversation. I’m sure you’ve experienced this before, trying to bring something up with your friends or family and never finding the right time then eventually when you do tell them they say “Why didn’t you just tell me sooner?” Don’t let this happen with your dates.
If They Ask Earlier Than You’re Ready For, Answer Honestly
Chances are that in the “getting to know eachother” phase, they will have questions for you. If they ask you upfront about the thing you’re not ready to share, just be honest. Tell them. Or at least say “I’m not ready to talk about that yet”. This way you avoid them saying “but you said you didn’t…” later on down the line. You want to feel like you can trust your date, and they want to be able to trust you as well. So give them more reason to trust you by being upfront and honest with them.
Make Sure You Drive The Conversation
Don’t let them fill in gaps with their own assumptions. Tell them the whole story or situation and make sure you’re telling them everything. If you are letting them interupt and share their own assumptions with you, take control of the conversation and say “sorry, that’s not correct…here is the truth”. These conversations will be tricky, but the only way to get over them is to get them out of the way and be fully truthful from the beginning.
Make Sure You Plan Awkward Conversations
This might sound silly, but you’ll find it a lot easier to talk about it if you have at least an idea of how you’re going to word it. It will make you a lot calmer about the whole thing as well because you’ll feel prepared to have the conversation, even if it is a little uncomfortable. Get a notebook and write out the things you want to say in bullet points. That way you make sure you’ve covering all of your skeletons and there will be no more awkward conversations in the future.
Ensure They Share Too
Here’s the thing, everyone has something. If you’ve been brave and poured your heart out for them, make sure they share something too. It doesn’t have to be as big as yours, but if they aren’t sharing anything that’s a red flag. Even if it’s something small, like they have a conflict with their parents at the moment. Everyone has something to share that might be a little uncomfortable, but it builds up trust. If you don’t trust your date, then is there any point in continuing the relationship?
Most Likely, Things Will Be Fine
If you’ve attracted an open-minded, wonderful individual then things will be absolutely fine between you and them. This will solidify the trust in the relationship and help you be even closer. If you’ve attracted the correct person for you, they will appreciate why it is a difficult conversation for you and help you feel at ease. If they kick off, then they really aren’t the right person for you and it’s time to move on.